[Written October 2015]
When you mean well, but you only serve to annoy the person you originally wanted to encourage.
Sometimes I really have to ask myself, “Why do you even try? Not only did you shoot yourself in the foot (which is normal, you do that a lot), BUT at the expense of someone you care about?! Bakit pa, sana hindi ka nalang nag-effort.”
I’ve been on each side of the spectrum.
Here’s my discovery: sometimes, for some reason inexplicable, some people just don’t like you, and some people you just really like a lot. This is okay, because they don’t need to like you, and you don’t need to force yourself to stop liking them either. An imbalance of affection exists sometimes, and this is okay.
This is how you give leeway, this is how you learn to be patient and kind and understanding. This is how you learn to extend grace not only to others, but to yourself. This is when you come to an understanding: “You don’t have to regret the things you did, because you did them for good, even though it didn’t come out the way you meant it to.” This is how you come to an understanding that sometimes your best efforts will backfire, and that you will (somehow) survive the blast. You hope against hope that the person you’ve hurt will also survive the blast, but that’s not something you can guarantee (unfortunately), even after trying to make amends (not just with words!), even after taking action to pick up the pieces.
This is sometimes how friendship looks like.
Hay.
There are days when I think I’ve finally arrived at “socially adjusted”, but there are still days when I know I am just as socially awkward as when I was 11. Sometimes, I still have to tell myself, ‘Nice try. I hope you make it next time.’
Huwag sumukong mag-effort kung totoo yung effort at ‘di para sa sarili mong kapakanan. (May mga tao kasi na nag-eeffort para may makuha sa huli — these are the people you need to be wary about.)
Keep breathing. Be grateful.
Keep breathing.
And you have to give it to friends who fight to keep you in their life, right?
You have to give it to them. Hay, Lord.
(Suddenly so grateful for Regina Pato. This one’s for you, preggy lady.)
[I… can’t believe this piece is almost a decade old.
Younger Najee, take heart. I remember which friendship and which blunder you’re talking about here, and you’re still friends. You’re still friends; they forgave you. And you’ve learned the hard lesson of holding space where people feel safe, and you recognize that that’s a lesson you’ll always struggle to master. You’re better at it, though. In fact, just this weekend, someone said, “I don’t know why I told you; I just felt like you wouldn’t judge me.”
You’ve come a long way, chica, by God’s grace.
Update: Also, our “preggy lady”‘s got 2 sons, and you’re still friends too! Time has come and gone, and will keep coming and going. Please keep going too.]